HAD MY 1ST MELTDOWN

I AM HERE UNTIL THURSDAY NIGHT WITH JACK IN MONTEPELLIAR ID AND I WAS NEEDING TO GET SOME INFO ABOUT CORY'S SURGERY TOGETHER AND I HAD WORKED ALL DAY AND JUST FINALLY CAME TO A POINT WHERE I MELTED DOWN INTO A CORNER OF THE ROOM. I CRIED AND CRIED AND A BIT OF ANGER AND ANQUISH CAME . I'M SURE SOME OF THIS IS NATURAL FEELINGS ABOUT DEATH. BUT I JUST FELT LIKE I WANTED SO MUCH TO FEEL MY SON'S HANDS GIVING ME THOSE BIG BEAR HUGS AND HIM KISSING ME EACH TIME ON THE FOREHEAD AND THEN MESSING UP MY HAIR EACH TIME I SAW HIM . WHICH WAS PRETTY MUCH DAILY. I WANT TO HEAR HIS VOICE AGAIN. ( I ALREADY CALLED HIS CELL PHONE) JUST HAD TO DO IT. AND LISTEN TO HIS MESSAGES ALL AGAIN. I MISS MY BOY SO MUCH AND MY HEART IS SO SAD RIGHT NOW. IT HAS BEEN ALMOST 2 WEEKS SINCE C.J.'S FUNERAL, BUT IT ISN'T GETTING ANY BETTER FOR ME.
I CAN'T SLEEP, I JUST DON'T KNOW HOW TO LET A SON BE GONE.
DEBBIE
PLEASE PLEASE GO HUG YOUR KIDS TODAY AND LET THEM HEAR I LOVE YOU EVERY SINGLE DAY! FOR LEFTY CORY .
LET FORGIVENESS TAKE PLACE WHERE IT IS NEEDED AND HAVE ETERNAL FAMILIES
I LOVE YOU ALL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!